Satisfied
by justareader13
Summary: "You, the sister of the bride, in love with the groom. Myself, in love with a dead man, the bride, the groom and the maid of honor. It's a startling state of affairs." "I should say. That's quite the list of loves you have there, Sir." Or two miserable people meet at a wedding. [Modern AU (even though I did nothing to set that up)]


_You will truly never be satisfied._ Angelica thought to herself as she sat watching her sister Eliza dance across the floor with her new husband. She made a beautiful bride and Angelica was thrilled that she was so happy but once again it was at the cost of her own happiness.

It started when they were children. Angelica was the oldest and so it seemed natural to give up things so Eliza and Peggy could have them, especially as they had no mother. It was small things in the beginning: a ribbon, a barrette, a dress, a pair of shoes. Nothing Angelica missed too terribly or didn't quickly get over. But then it became relationships.

Her first crush was on Thomas Jefferson who she was able to charm like no one's business but Peggy had looked so lovelorn that Angelica felt guilty and so she had stepped back (not a decision she terribly regretted as Thomas grew to be a chauvinistic asshole and broke Peggy's heart with the whole Sally Hemmings situation.) Then there was Alexander who Angelica had fallen in love with at first sight. They became friends over summer, just the two of them together as Angelica took a trip to London and frequented France where she met him. His intelligent eyes set in a hunger pang frame struck her. She knew he was penniless but that didn't change her feelings for him. However, he was a flirt so she didn't pursue it and mores the pity for her because somehow fate saw them reunited when Alexander ended up in New York but Eliza was obviously helpless in love and so once again she stepped back, she even introduced them and indulged in the masochism of watching them together. Eventually they separated due to a long distance relationship not working out once they entered college.

Now Angelica found herself here watching Eliza waltz gracefully with Aaron Burr.

The man had disgusted Angelica upon first meeting him in high school. His 'wait for it' attitude and inability to actually have an original idea did not appeal to her but then after some years studying abroad he came back a new man with ideas which he actually shared once in a while. She began to understand his anxiety at giving anything away as she learned more about him, where he came from and all he had lost. She began to understand that not holding everything about himself inside made him feel naked and vulnerable to attack and scrutiny. She grew a soft spot in her chest for him and there had been a time, just one, where she had let her walls down and let him in. The kiss they shared was seared onto her lips she was sure but the very next day Eliza was gushing over Aaron and so Angelica told him it was a mistake on her part, she had been drinking and lost her head. Eventually Eliza was where he landed.

And wasn't that swell.

But she couldn't blame her sister, she had no malicious intent. Eliza was kinder than anyone she knew. Besides, Angelica never spoke up about her feelings so Eliza was not at fault. Angelica was.

"You'll never change, will you Angelica Schuyler?" She turned at the voice and stared wide-eyed at the new arrival. His hair was longer, he had finally managed to grow that peach fuzz out somewhat and his voice was deeper but it was him.

"Alexander." She said, wonder clear in her voice.

"I take it you didn't know I was coming."

"No, I had no idea. I didn't see you at the ceremony."

"I didn't make it for that unfortunately. I was tied up and couldn't get away but Eliza invited me to come to the reception when I told her I probably couldn't make it to the ceremony. I figured I'd take her up on it."

"She didn't tell me she had seen you. When was this?"

"Just very recently at a gala Washington roped me into. It was a surprise to see her and even more of one to learn she was soon to become Eliza Burr."

"You've met Aaron before?"

"We keep meeting." He said looking over to the couple who were happily absorbed with each other and nothing else. There was a look on his face then. A mixture of anger and envy and despair and... yes, that was longing. Alexander was always such a complex soul and it was only a testament to his complexity that she couldn't figure out if that look was geared towards Eliza or Aaron but if Angelica were a gambling woman she'd say it was probably a bit of both. She wasn't the only one left unsatisfied apparently but she didn't bother pointing that out, no need to make this otherwise pleasant exchange an awkward one.

"How are the boys? The last I spoke to any of them was too long ago."

"Mulligan got a job with the CIA in DC. He loves it really, he gets to live his own spy movie but it doesn't leave much time to just catch up with him. Lafayette is in France working with activists down there for immigrant rights and Laurens... John joined the army a while back. Now he's leading a soldier's chorus on the other side." Angelica gasped, shocked at the news of Laurens' death. She wished to deny it could be true but the sadness and longing in Alexander's voice was raw and visceral. She had suspected that perhaps John and Alex weren't just friends and it did hinder her pursuing Alex a bit but John had never said anything to her about it, he even encouraged her to tell Alex her feelings for him. Even if nothing ever happened between them, she knew Alex would've taken his death very hard.

"I'm sorry. I wish I could've been there for you."

"He was satisfied in the end. If only it were so for all of us."

"If only." Angelica sighed, looking to the dance floor. She watched the couples out there dancing and laughing together and wondered why it couldn't be her, why it couldn't be John, why it wasn't Alex. Lord knows he could have his pick of the litter and yet here he was standing on the side with her, a woman probably fated to be a spinster if her father didn't marry her off to the highest bidder before then.

"Would you like to dance, Angel?" A breath of laughter escaped past her lips.

"It's been some time since I've heard that nickname."

"A travesty, to be sure. Now we must dance." He held his hand out towards her as his eyebrows rose up expectantly. Somehow it was a question, a request and a demand all at once. Only Alexander could pull such a thing off.

"You assume I want you trampling all over my toes. You assume too much." She replied, amusement coloring her tone.

"I promise I will pay due diligence to your delicate frame."

"Delicate frame?" She said, saying the words as if they were of foreign origin.

"To me, it is." Angelica blinked but didn't let on how that affected her.

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean. You forget yourself." Angelica retorted, not letting the amusement fall away.

"Angelica Schuyler, it would greatly satisfy me to have this dance with you and I think after years of denying yourself that it would satisfy you as well."

"Is that right?" She said lowly, refusing to be cowed by this encounter.

"I knew how you felt all those years ago. I waited for you to say something and instead you introduced me to Eliza and thus led the string of bad decisions that have led us here. You, the sister of the bride, in love with the groom. Myself, in love with a dead man, the bride, the groom and the maid of honor. It's a startling state of affairs."

"I should say. That's quite the list of loves you have there, Sir." She said in a steady voice even as the fact that he basically admitted he was in love with her didn't go over her head. He also admitted to being in love with Eliza, Aaron and John and she'd have to be naive to put that aside.

Alexander always moved liked there was no time, he threw himself into everything and never forgot a thing and so he fell in love hard and fast and he threw way too much of his heart into the ring. His love was overwhelming. It was too much for most people to handle and be confronted with and it would scare most people away. He would never un-love the ones he'd lost because he still had tons of heart to give. A daunting task for anyone to face but Angelica had managed to convince Thomas Jefferson that women weren't just mindless playthings to discard (if only for a moment because Thomas Jefferson was still and would always be Thomas Jefferson) and if she could face him without backing down, she could face this.

"Perhaps we can talk about this list of yours later on after we've both been satisfied."

"Satisfied? Now who's the one forgetting themselves exactly?"

"Does it truly matter anymore?"

"Not as such, no."

"Then let's dance, sir." She said taking his hand and pointedly ignoring the smirk on his face. She would not give him anything else.

She looked over a little self-consciously towards Eliza and her sister, bless her heart, was smiling at her eagerly and nodding towards her encouragingly. Aaron was smiling as well though at her more so than Alex. She refocused her attention on Alex as he placed his hands on her hips and began to sway gently. If this was her last chance, and she rather thought it was, she wasn't about to throw away her shot.


End file.
